How do you handle a friend who constantly vents but never asks about you?

This is super common over text because it is easy to fire off a rant, and feeling drained is a sign the setup needs tweaking. A gentle way to shift it is to validate first, then name your need, and offer a plan that still supports them. Add consent checks and time limits so you are choosing when to hold space rather than being on call, and do not reply instantly if it costs you. If you can, bring it up in person next time or send a short meta text before the next spiral so it is not delivered in the heat of their crisis.

Try a meta text like this you can copy and paste: "I care about you and want to be there, and I noticed our chats are mostly heavy lately which leaves me tapped out, could we make space for both of us when we talk even if it is two quick updates from each of us?" In the moment you can set a gentle cap and redirect: "I have about 10 minutes to listen right now, after that can we switch to a quick catch up on both sides or pick it up later?" When you are unavailable, defer clearly but kindly: "I want to give this real attention but I do not have the bandwidth tonight, can we check in tomorrow afternoon?" Add a consent check to shape what they want from you: "Do you want to vent or do you want ideas, that helps me show up the way you need?" Nudge reciprocity without accusation: "Before we dive in can I share a quick win and a stressor from my week?" If they do not meet you in the middle after you ask, protect your energy by slowing your response time or muting for a bit and say, "I am going to catch up later because I need a break from heavy topics today, but I am rooting for you."

Text-only venting gets exhausting, especially when you are juggling labs and rent. I started sending a preface so I do not get trapped: "I want to listen, but I have 15 minutes and I need to share something too." If they keep dumping, I mute the thread and reply later with, "Catching up now. Do you have space to hear my update as well." Also set a recurring 30 minute call on a weekend so the heavy stuff has a slot. If they never reciprocate after that, I stick to reactions and one-liners and save real updates for people who ask.

Lost my phone and bag in Lima once and learned to build redundancy for everything. Same idea here: set a boundary script and reuse it like a template. "I want to be here for you, and I've got limited bandwidth today. After you share, can I tell you about my thing too." If they ignore the second part, I paste again next time and end with, "Gonna hop off. Talk when we can both check in." Also schedule a monthly call on the calendar so there is a set container for big vents.

Your phone is not a confession hotline. When they launch into another saga, set the guardrails at the top. Text something like, "I can listen for 10, then I need to switch to my stuff." Follow it with, "After you share, I want to tell you about X." If they keep rolling past it, hit the brakes: "Gonna step out for now. Let's pick this up when we can both share."

I hate paying for apps, so I set this up with free tools. Add a text replacement so typing vv turns into your boundary script. Use scheduled send to drop a balanced check-in later like, "Thinking of you. When you have space, I'd love to share an update too." If pings blow up, turn on Do Not Disturb for that thread and answer when you actually have energy. And if they never engage after clear asks, downgrade the thread to low frequency and invest replies where reciprocity lives.

Had a friend who would text walls at 1 a.m., all crisis, never a question back. I told her in one message, "I care about you, and I need our chats to be two-way, can we trade updates when we talk." Then I stuck to it and if she kept venting I said, "I can read later, swamped now, let me know when you have space for me too." It calmed the volume or the chats just got shorter, which was fine.

Right now you're their free dump bin, and it shows. Support is fine, but one-way drains kill friendships fast. Shift it by stating time and balance up front: "I can listen for a bit, but I only have 10 minutes and I want to share something after." If they steamroll, end clean: "Gonna pause here. Let's catch up when we can both check in." Also stop replying instantly and stop solving their problems, because that trains them that you are open 24/7.

Say it once kindly, then expect nothing to change.