How to tell a friend their constant venting is draining without hurting them?

Pick a calm moment and lead with care using I statements rather than blame. Try something like, "I care about you a lot, and I want to be there, but the long late night venting has been leaving me wiped out." Add reassurance like, "I am not abandoning you, I just need to find a way to support you and still take care of my energy." Ask consent to talk with, "Is this a good time to chat about it?" Keep it specific and reflect that their feelings matter so it does not land as rejection.

Offer doable options so it feels like a plan instead of a shut down. For example, agree on a check in window earlier in the evening, set a 20 to 30 minute vent timer, or ask them to text first to see if you have bandwidth. You can also ask what they want from you in the moment with, "Do you want me to just listen or help problem solve?" If it is late or you are fried, say, "I care and I need to pause for tonight, can we pick this up tomorrow after dinner?" and then follow through. If you live together, set a simple cue like saying "quiet night" or suggest a short walk so the conversation has an end point built in. If the topics are heavy or constant, gently suggest widening their support, like talking to a counselor or another trusted person, and remind them that you are still in their corner. If they get upset, stay calm, repeat the care and the boundary, and give it a little time.

Say it directly and set a boundary. Try, 'I care about you, but I can only do 20 minutes tonight and then I need to rest.' Offer a specific time to catch up later so it's not a shutdown.

Use a clear boundary statement that pairs care with a limit. Example: 'I want to be there and I'm hitting my limit tonight, so I can do 15 more minutes or we can talk tomorrow at 7.' Name your capacity in first person to avoid blame. Offer one concrete alternative time or format. Ask if this timing works.

If they continue, repeat the boundary once and end the call or reply later. Reserve a true-emergency exception and define it ahead where possible. Reduce late-night exposure by muting after a set hour and replying in the morning. Use a check-in opener like 'vent, advice, or distraction?' to scope the call. Reinforce positive changes with a quick thanks the next day. If patterns persist, escalate to a broader talk about support options beyond you.

Care about you, but I'm drained, can we vent tomorrow instead?