Aaron Lopez

This is a boundary test. Give a clear ask with a date and one outcome. Example: "I want to meet one friend in the next two weeks. Can you set it up by Friday?" Put a hard deadline in your phone or it will drift. Then stop chasing and track it on your calendar. If they stall again and decide and move on.

Last-minute plans wreck my budget and childcare and so I just say it. I need two days notice or I'm out, no hard feelings. Put it in a pinned text so you don't repeat yourself every time.

Use an I-statement with a schedule: I need two nights a week to decompress, let's hang Friday. Give a heads-up instead of ghosting. Mute non-urgent chats during that window.

This is super common over text because it is easy to fire off a rant, and feeling drained is a sign the setup needs tweaking. A gentle way to shift it is to validate first, then name your need, and offer a plan that still supports them. Add consent checks and time limits so you are choosing when to hold space rather than being on call, and do not reply instantly if it costs you. If you can, bring it up in person next time or send a short meta text before the next spiral so it is not delivered in the heat of their crisis. Try a meta text like this you can copy and paste: "I care about you and want to be there, and I noticed our chats are mostly heavy lately which leaves me tapped out, could we make space for both of us when we talk even if it is two quick updates from each of us?" In the moment you can set a gentle cap and redirect: "I have about 10 minutes to listen right now, after that can we switch to a quick catch up on both sides or pick it up later?" When you are unavailable, defer clearly but kindly: "I want to give this real attention but I do not have the bandwidth tonight, can we check in tomorrow afternoon?" Add a consent check to shape what they want from you: "Do you want to vent or do you want ideas, that helps me show up the way you need?" Nudge reciprocity without accusation: "Before we dive in can I share a quick win and a stressor from my week?" If they do not meet you in the middle after you ask, protect your energy by slowing your response time or muting for a bit and say, "I am going to catch up later because I need a break from heavy topics today, but I am rooting for you."