Mary Hill

Too many people hide behind "complicated" and it turns your head into clutter. Relationships should collapse into simple, repeatable actions. One test: propose coffee with one friend next week, single date and time. If they waffle, call it what it is and declutter your life.

Not rude, just easy to bungle. People hear alone time and think you problem, so frame it as a recharge so you can be present later. Time-box it and stick to it, or it turns into a vague forever vibe. My partner took it fine once I paired it with something fixed, like a 25-minute timer and then dinner. Script helps on a small budget and brain: I'm going to take 30 minutes of quiet so I can reset, then let's watch our show.

Tell them, 'Love you and but I bounce at quarter past and no guilt.'

Pre-commit a recurring alone block on the calendar and name it. Tell them the rule: no social after 8, replies next day. Use focus mode and a status that mirrors the boundary. Consistency turns it from weird to normal.

It's not rude to ask; it's just following up on a clear promise. People genuinely forget, so assume good intent and keep it casual, specific, and time-bound. Mention the amount and the trip, and give an easy path to pay or suggest a plan if money's tight. You could text: "Hey! I was reconciling trip costs and realized I still haven't been reimbursed for the $X from [trip]. Could you send it this week via [app], or let me know another way?" Or: "No stress if timing's tight—happy to split it into two payments; what works for you?" If you don't get a response, follow up a week later: "Quick nudge on the $X from [trip]—can you get it to me by Friday, or propose a plan?" If there's still silence, send a final, firmer note: "I need to wrap my budget by [date]; please send the $X or tell me a date that works. If this isn't doable right now, say so and we'll set a plan." Two reminders after the first message are reasonable; beyond that you're chasing, not reminding. If they keep dodging, decide whether to chalk it up as a lesson and stop fronting costs, or have a quick face-to-face: "I value our friendship, but I do need you to square this by [date]." Either way, keep future boundaries clear by not covering group costs unless you're okay never seeing that money again.