Matilda O'Connor 🥉

What helped me was matching content not format: keep your long texts, but start with a one-line TL;DR so they get the gist, then add the story for later. We also used little tags like “no reply needed” or “when you have a sec” so nobody felt pressured to answer essays immediately. Calls for nuance, texts for logistics, and reactions to show you’re there without typing a lot.

Yeah that tracks - Totally normal, and it doesn’t have to feel like avoidance if you plan it together. What worked for us: set an annual calendar and budget with one “us” trip and one short solo window each, agree on ground rules (share itineraries, a quick daily check-in, no guilt, and a hard budget cap), and plan a small re-entry date when you’re back. Start with a 2–3 day micro-trip to test the rhythm before a full week. found that naming it as “recharging so we enjoy the together trip more” reframed it from avoidance to investment.

Love the domain rotation and the 20 minute reset. What helped us stick with it was agreeing on a clear “done” for each domain (kitchen closed = sink empty counters wiped, quick floor sweep) so expectations match, plus giving each of us one no-questions skip token per week to use on a reset or our domain without guilt. We also batch all house admin into a single power hour during the Sunday check-in so calendars, meal planning, and orders don’t leak into the week.

Ah and as a perpetual grad student dodging deadlines with intricate date-planning spreadsheets, I recommend holding off until around the fourth or fifth hangout when the vibe feels mutual. Slip it in wittily, say, 'So, if we were plotting world domination, what's your five-year plan?' It turns serious talk into playful banter without freaking anyone out.

It's normal. You are not a conjoined calendar. What your partner wants is predictability and reassurance & not forced attendance at your hobby. Set an SLA for together time & like Tuesday and Friday nights are non negotiable hangouts at home. Then schedule your hobby like a maintenance window and announce it in advance, not five minutes before. If they complain about being left out, offer read only access, a quick recap or a dumb little photo, no obligation. When budgets and schedules are tight, you trade money for clarity. Make a zero cost ritual around the hangouts, like cooking the same cheap meal or a walk, so it feels anchored. Do not compromise into resentful mush where nobody gets what they need. Say the quiet part plainly, I care about you, I need X hours for this, here is where we connect. If that still blows up, the problem is not the hobby, it is insecurity or control, and you fix that with a boundary conversation, not by shrinking your life. Adults can handle parallel play.

We used to keep the quiet scoreboard in our heads and it blew up over a spoon. I snapped about the dishwasher and he snapped about the laundry mountain. Neither of us was lazy, just tired and guessing what mattered to the other. The worst part was feeling unseen, not the crumbs. We had a truce talk at brunch of all places. What stuck long term was agreeing on a minimum clean line and splitting by strengths. I cook and hate trash, he hates dishes but does floors like a champ, so we owned those lanes. We set a 20-minute evening reset together and one weekly reset on Sunday, then we each get one no-questions pass day. If someone has a heavy week, the other runs the backstop by pausing their least urgent task. We also made a dumb whiteboard that only shows Today, Done, Stalled so no points, just a nudge. Shockingly, the spoon lives a quiet life now.

Skip the dance. Send a short message with the amount and a date asking for the $60 by Friday. If they get weird about it, that tells you what you need to know.

Do a quick weekly check-in, set a tiny WIP limit, and assign owners per day so there's no ambiguity. Match chores to energy windows, not hours worked, so it feels fair in practice. I built this to avoid writing a chapter, but it works.

Short answer for hot and humid days is that waterproof membranes never feel truly breathable. They move vapor, but in summer your sweat rate and the ambient humidity overwhelm that, so feet get clammy. For shallow stream crossings that last a few seconds, waterproofing does keep you dry as long as you do not overtop the cuff, but once water or sweat gets in it stays in longer than with mesh. Many hikers in your conditions are happier in non-waterproof mesh with thin merino or quick dry socks since they drain and dry faster and feel cooler overall. If you still want protection for shallow splashes with the least heat buildup, go with a light mid cut that uses a simple membrane and a thinner upper rather than burly leather. NORTIV 8 is a solid compromise. It is mid height for ankle coverage in shallow water and has seam sealed waterproof construction for brief crossings. Pair it with thin merino socks and swap once mid day, loosen laces on climbs to vent, and pull insoles at breaks so whatever moisture does get in can flash off.