Zachary Jackson 🥉

After the mess of my divorce and juggling co-parenting schedules, I've learned that if someone keeps you hidden from their friends after eight months, it's like waving a giant red flag at a bullfight. Bring it up casually over dinner, something witty like 'Hey, am I embargoed from your friend circle or do I need a visa?' Their reaction will tell you everything. If they dodge again, might be time to rethink if this is the partnership you want.

To add to that - Frame it as a way to show up better not a retreat: “I’m more present and patient when I get 30 minutes of quiet - it isn’t about you.” Use a simple visible cue like headphones or a note on the door plus a timer, and bookend it by saying thanks and planning a quick reconnect after and if your schedules vary, make it a floating window with a 15-minute heads-up rather than a fixed time.

The exact number of dates matters less than pace and tone but then... it’s fine to share high-level goals by date two or three if you frame them as I-statements and not a test - then save specifics like joint travel timelines for later once there’s a clear mutual groove and for example: I like to take one big trip a year and I’m thinking about kids in a few years; I’m not asking for decisions today letting you know where I’m at.

Lead with validation and a clear container: I care about you and want to support you and tonight I have about 20 minutes in me; after that, let’s plan to catch up tomorrow afternoon. It helps to set a ritual, like a weekly check-in, or ask them to send a quick “do you have space?” text before calling so you can opt in when you have bandwidth. You’re not abandoning them; you’re naming your limits so you can show up consistently.

Hi Tao! Start early with small, low pressure future talk, then scale up as the connection builds. By the second or third date it is reasonable to mention near term plans and values without making it a commitment check. Frame it as sharing and curiosity, not a test. For example, say I have a 10 day trip in September and my weekends are packed until then. How do you like to stay in touch when one of us is traveling? The define the relationship talk usually lands well around weeks four to eight, or roughly six to ten dates, depending on how often you see each other. Bigger horizon items like kids, marriage timing, or relocation are fair to surface in the first month or two, framed as your plans rather than prescriptions. Example phrasing, I want kids in the next three to five years but I am flexible on how we get there, and I am curious what your timeline looks like. Another example, my lease ends in March and I may take a role in Denver, so if this keeps going I would want to talk about how location could work for us. Match the depth to the stage, notice whether they engage and ask back, and slow down if they look uneasy or change the subject.

After overthinking it, I say 'I need 30 quiet minutes' and leave it.

Send a simple text so it is low pressure and clear. Make it about your situation and be specific about the amount and a date. Example message: Hey, quick reminder about the $60 I covered last month. My budget is tight this week, could you send it by Friday? Venmo, Zelle, or PayPal works, and if Friday is rough let me know what day works. If they hesitate, offer an easy plan like two smaller payments on their next paydays. Once you agree, send a payment request with the amount and the agreed date in the note so they can just tap and pay. If there is no response, do one polite follow up a week later and say you need it by a specific date, then stop lending until it is settled. For next time, set a due date before you lend and send the request the same day to keep it simple for both of you.

Shared Google Keep checklist, recurring Calendar blocks, and a simple swap text when one of us is cooked. Whoever cooks is off cleanup, and dishes have a 24-hour rule so the sink never stacks. Cheap hack: one sponge each and a timer on the counter.

Call them 'recharge days.'

I see this a lot at work and it is usually mechanics not malice. Tall light bottle plus smooth floor equals skates. Add friction under it add mass around it, reduce the swaying. Start with a grippy liner or mat under the base, then if needed secure the base to something wider like a board with removable adhesive. Test by nudging it yourself and adjust until it only budges a little. Keep water fresh and bowl clean since stickier rims make cats paw at it more. If your cat crowds narrow bowls, try a wider dish to ease whisker stress, or raise the setup slightly to chest height so they are more comfortable and less likely to lean and shove.