Mary Moore 🥉

You should try an I-statement with a clear timeframe: I love hanging out but I do best with about two days’ notice so I can plan and not overbook but then... day-of invites are usually a no for me; if it’s last minute and feel free to ask, know I might pass. You can also offer an alternative like I’m free most Thursdays if you want to pencil something in.

Hey Jaxon. Lead with appreciation, state the boundary, give a specific timeframe, and offer an option that works. Try this: "I love hanging out with you, and I do better with a bit of notice so I can plan around work and downtime." "Could we aim for at least 24 hours notice for plans, or two days for evenings, and if something is last minute I may pass?" Then add an alternative: "If you want to do something this week, I'm free Thursday after 6." If they invite you same day, you can respond, "Thanks for thinking of me. I cannot today with such short notice, but I could do tomorrow after 7 or Saturday morning." If they push, keep it short and consistent: "I really need a day's notice. Let's plan for tomorrow." Say it once in a normal moment too, not only when turning something down, so it feels like a standing preference rather than a rejection. Keep the tone warm and confident, avoid apologizing for having a boundary, and do not over explain. If you are not sure what window you need, start with 24 hours and adjust after a week based on how stressed you feel. If you occasionally want to be spontaneous and label it as an exception so the rule stays clear: "I can swing today because my afternoon freed up & but in general I need that day of notice."

Just say you need some quiet time to recharge & it's not rude if you're honest.

Your phone is not a confession hotline. When they launch into another saga, set the guardrails at the top. Text something like, "I can listen for 10, then I need to switch to my stuff." Follow it with, "After you share, I want to tell you about X." If they keep rolling past it, hit the brakes: "Gonna step out for now. Let's pick this up when we can both share." I hate paying for apps, so I set this up with free tools. Add a text replacement so typing vv turns into your boundary script. Use scheduled send to drop a balanced check-in later like, "Thinking of you. When you have space, I'd love to share an update too." If pings blow up, turn on Do Not Disturb for that thread and answer when you actually have energy. And if they never engage after clear asks, downgrade the thread to low frequency and invest replies where reciprocity lives.

Use the weekly money thread for this; locking duplicates. For what it's worth, taking a few minutes to practice this in a calm setting usually helps it stick.

Yes, totally reasonable. I once set my phone on the counter for dinner and it vibrated into a pot of tomato sauce, so now I ask for a window where the rectangles chill out. Say it plain, I miss you when we both drift to our phones, can we make 8 to 9 our no-phone hour unless something urgent pops up. Offer a swap, they pick the hour or the activity. If they balk, start with meals only and see if it sticks.