I'm trying to do you split chores fairly when both partners work full-time?

We stopped tracking who did what and started splitting by time and ownership. On Sunday we do a 15 minute check-in: write a Must Do list for the week, pick owners for each area like kitchen, laundry, and floors, and agree on what we are letting slide. Owners make the calls and handle reminders so there is no nagging. We rotate those domains monthly so the mental load moves around.

Daily we keep a simple cadence. Run the dishwasher every night even if not full and unload while coffee brews in the morning. Whoever cooks is off cleanup and the other person does the wipe down and dishes to close the kitchen. Laundry is Tue and Fri only: start a load in the morning, move it when you get home, fold during one show after dinner, and put away before bed. Set a 20 minute reset timer after dinner where we both pick a zone and work until the timer ends, then stop. We keep a shared list on the fridge or a basic shared app for ad hoc tasks and shopping so whoever is at the store can grab things. If a week is heavy for one of us we say it in the check-in and swap a domain or drop a Nice To Have so the system bends without becoming a tally sheet.

Agree on a baseline standard and write it down. Assign ownership by category, not by task, and swap weekly for parity. Cook is off cleanup. Do a 15-minute joint reset at the same time daily. Use a simple board on the fridge with Today and Done to prevent forgetting. If one has an overload week, the other covers two items and you settle back next week.

I spiraled about fair and equal for months, tracking minutes in my head, which was awful. The simple fix was picking two anchor tasks each we own on weekdays, then swapping on weekends. We also do a 10-minute joint tidy right after dinner because if I wait I never do it. No tallying, just sticky notes on the fridge so my brain stops buzzing.

After a 12-hour shift you think the plates will wash themselves, but nope, they breed. We stopped arguing by doing a 15-minute reset the minute we walk in, both of us, timer on, no phones. Whoever cooked is hands-off for cleanup, and if neither cooked, we do paper plates on brutal weeks. It cuts the resentment and the sink stays under control.

We used to keep the quiet scoreboard in our heads and it blew up over a spoon. I snapped about the dishwasher and he snapped about the laundry mountain. Neither of us was lazy, just tired and guessing what mattered to the other. The worst part was feeling unseen, not the crumbs. We had a truce talk at brunch of all places.

What stuck long term was agreeing on a minimum clean line and splitting by strengths. I cook and hate trash, he hates dishes but does floors like a champ, so we owned those lanes. We set a 20-minute evening reset together and one weekly reset on Sunday, then we each get one no-questions pass day. If someone has a heavy week, the other runs the backstop by pausing their least urgent task. We also made a dumb whiteboard that only shows Today, Done, Stalled so no points, just a nudge. Shockingly, the spoon lives a quiet life now.

It never feels fair if you leave it vague. Without clear ownership, stuff drifts and one person becomes the default manager. Scorekeeping creeps back when expectations are fuzzy and you start narrating who did what. Set lanes and deadlines or you will argue over moldy Tupperware at midnight. Also plan for sick weeks, because we'll figure it out always means someone suffers. If that sounds grim, it is, but it prevents the slow resentment leak.

Spreadsheet says fixed zones, swap Sundays, 10-minute nightly reset.