Is it reasonable to set phone-free time with a partner without sounding controlling

It is reasonable to ask for phone-free time, and it does not have to be controlling if you frame it as protecting time together. Use I statements and make it about the connection you want, not what they are doing wrong. Something like, I feel a bit disconnected when we're both on our phones at night. Would you be open to trying a no-phones window after dinner so we can actually hang out. I do not want to police you, I just miss you.

Pick something realistic to start, like 30 to 60 minutes after dinner or the last hour before bed. Put both phones on a charger in another room or in a basket, and turn on Do Not Disturb or Focus mode with allowed contacts for kids, work, or emergencies. Agree on clear exceptions, like replying to a time sensitive message, and a quick heads up if someone needs to step out to respond. Treat it as a two week experiment and then check in about what worked and what did not. Ask what your partner needs too, like 20 minutes of decompression scrolling right after work, and plan that in so the phone-free block feels fair. If a full hour feels hard, start with no phones at dinner only and build from there.

Honestly, I get it. Back when we had printed photos in shoeboxes and burned mix CDs for road trips, you could actually sit on a couch without a screen chirping at you every six minutes. Phones are great until they start stealing the evening like a raccoon steals shiny things. You do not sound controlling for wanting a little eye contact and a shared laugh.

I'd pitch it as a comfort upgrade for both of you. Try something like, hey, could we do a phone-free window after dinner, like 7 to 9, so we can hang and actually land the conversation. If there is something time sensitive, we keep ringers on for family and work and just flip the rest face down. Make it a team ritual with a tiny prop, a bowl by the couch, and you both drop them in together. You can even start smaller, one show's length or just during meals, and adjust based on how it feels. The tone matters more than the rules, so keep it warm and curious, not courtroom formal. You are asking for connection, not obedience, and most partners will hear that.

Yes, do it. Frame it as quality time you both win from, like a simple nightly reset. Pick a consistent hour and a neutral spot to park phones, and call out exceptions up front. Quick script works great, I want more us time and a daily phone break would be awesome.

Yes, totally reasonable. I once set my phone on the counter for dinner and it vibrated into a pot of tomato sauce, so now I ask for a window where the rectangles chill out. Say it plain, I miss you when we both drift to our phones, can we make 8 to 9 our no-phone hour unless something urgent pops up. Offer a swap, they pick the hour or the activity. If they balk, start with meals only and see if it sticks.

Set a repeatable block. I use a shared calendar event called Off Screen Hour, activate Focus mode that only allows VIP calls, and dump phones in a visible spot. If one of you needs to check something, set a two minute timer and do it together so it does not sprawl. Phrase it as an experiment for one week and debrief on Sunday. If evenings are messy, tie it to an anchor like after dishes or during tea.

Reasonable. I lost my phone and laptop in a bus station and learned to define rules clearly. Propose a specific window and an exception list for emergencies, then evaluate after a week. Keep language about what you want more of, not what they must stop.